Dear mum,

 

So after pondering on yesterday's post I woke up this morning with my answer....
To write is to feel tortured! 
And with several things I wanted to write today I felt a heaviness within me - putting off the writing once more.

I am grateful for the responses to my post, as they seemed joyful, and amazing, and although not part of my world somehow they created an opening to something new. Even so I couldn't shake off the thought I woke up with.

In my world this feeling tortured is having a sense of what I want to write, a feeling, fleeting thoughts that won't materialise into a coherent flow of words on paper.. Ending up sitting, looking at the page, going and finding something to eat, watching TV or feeling so tired I want to go to sleep.
Crossing out and starting over again and again, fingers twiddling the pen. A sense of 'Where am I going with this? Lets leave it for another day'

But this time something had me sit with it, keep coming back to t. I asked myself 'Who am I being?'
And got the answer 'I am being cowardly and closed - wanting to dodge away.
I then asked
'Who could I be being?'
And got the answer 'courageous, fun-loving, happy and open.'
And then heard -
'Smile instead of frown
Breathe instead of hold your breath
Allow yourself to pause, think, review and write instead of pushing yourself to write continuously and get it right first time
Stop making yourself wrong
Love and accept how writing is and how it isn't, for you
Love all the crossings out'
Plus the words of a song
'Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile....'
And so smiled and began to relax.

What I had been fighting writing about was the shift away from my first thought to something that touched, moved and inspired me to write something, complete it and post it
.
To write is to touch another's life' 
and that suddenly the responses to my post began to feel part of my world.

This shift was caused by me reading a post by an ex pupil of mine and realising you never know what impact or help your words may have for someone else..

#writing #writersblock #freedomtowrite #freeflowingwriting #sharing